At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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