there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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