Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
