Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7

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(513): View more from Ohio

i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..

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(517): View more from Michigan

sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

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(541): View more from Oregon

we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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(256): View more from Alabama

IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.

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(909): View more from California

I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes

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(712): View more from Iowa

You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.

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