I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
