why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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