the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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