she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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