There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
