Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
