just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
