if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
