i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize