Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
