They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
