I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
