in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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