ugly people sure do ruin things
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this boner is exhausting
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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