Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry about my life...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
