You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
