i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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