the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
