..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
