you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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