It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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