fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
