go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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