Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
