I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
