I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
