I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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