the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
