I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have tasted many bathrooms
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize