i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
