never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
