I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
