i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's blow job season.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
