ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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