felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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