Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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