Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
