U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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