I think i peed on brittanys purse
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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