Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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