theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
