dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
