My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
