i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
