Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize