i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
