We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize