K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
nutella sex= disaster
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
