White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
