Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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