Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
