wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize