Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
