Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
