in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
