i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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