I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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