The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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