mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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