its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
