Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
