I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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