It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
