I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
