what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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