I'm eating all of the evidence.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
