Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
