I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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