Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
