ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My ass is underappreciated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
