So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
