I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
