White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
