my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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