he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
