I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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