thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
