I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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