She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
