Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
