we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we're making bets on your personal life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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