All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
