It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
