i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
