Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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