I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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